Saturday, December 31, 2011

6 months down! Unnerving news

Wow I can't believe I'm already 6 months prego it went by so fast. We arrrre so excited to have a little baby boy join us. We are naming him McCoy Marshall Hansen. My favorite is that even though hunter doesn't quite understand what's going on, he still will lean over my belly and say "i love u baby" makes me tear up every time. Lately ive been feeling so blessed...that life is just so sweet ....I'm so grateful for my sweet family..this imperfect, crazy wonderful life we have created together and learned from. Sometimes when life seems this sweet I get on guard cause there has to be some opposition around the corner...the beauty of life and learning...which I'm not complaining but ever once in a while I get on guard. We had the routine ultrasound at 20 weeks with mccoy and the tech was so great. She absolutely loves her job so it was a great experience. Jas and I always cry ha ha. We have tender hearts ok!! Lol. Well went in for my 24 week appt and doctor sits down and says how are u, hows ur other son is he pretty healthy?..."i looked at ur ultrasound and everything looks great, I don't want u to worry but I did find something..." Immediately my heart skipped a beat and I put on my straight poker face so he wouldnt know I was already freaking out inside. " I found cysts in the babys brain...which are sometimes soft markers for down syndrome or trisomy (a condition babies don't live long from) so the next thing we look at is the heart and ur little guys heart is perfect and strong, then we look at ur age and ur young so I don't see any need to worry or do further testing I think its jyst normal and u don't need to worry" so as I sat there processing ...i remembered when at 16 weeks they offered a test to check for down syndrome which I declined because I didn't think anything of it and I also silently said to heavenly father...if I ever do have a ds baby, it won't matter ill love it jyst the same. ... My thoughts went everywhere. I know the doctor said he wasnt worried and I shouldn't worry but as a mother I worry. Jas wasnt there with me so he had a rough tine when I told him. He had a lot of questions, questions I couldnt even think of. He worries about us very much. I know that most often than not, cysts in brain are nothing to worry about. All I know is that we love this baby already so much and no natter what happens we will keep our faith and trust in God and continue to pray for our patience and understanding with whatever His will is for us .
Hunter was being examined by hus doctor and he said" did u know ur son has a heart murmur? I'm sure its nothing to worry about " ...ya I didn't know that and when doctors say don't worry...u automatically worry! This little boy is so smart and he talks so much. My favorites lately have been when he stops what hes doing, looks at me speculatively , throws his arms around me and says "mommy I love you soo much" it melts my whole being. I live watching my little family grow and experience life. Something as simple as taking hunter to see christmas lights brings me to tears because Its a dream I always had as a child to have a family of my own who loves eachother so much, who goes through lifes hard trials clinging to eachother... Im very grateful for all the years I've lived and for the amazing gifts that have been given to me that I call my family and friends.